Our society devised these misogynistic terms for certain types of tattoos. A small iconic image on the small of a woman's back is a "tramp stamp" or a "bullseye" or a "landing pad". One term degrading her, the others objectifying her body for a man's pleasure. I admit I was concerned. I had spent years waiting for the right time and the right tattoo. As much as I wanted to pretend that I could choose whatever I wanted and own that decision, I didn't want the burden of the label. I certainly wasn't ready to get angry at the outright sexism.
Thankfully I love my gorgeous piece of work.
I did end up getting it on the small of my back. The water flows over the sides of my butt and I love it. One thing I learned is that my body art isn't public art. It's an intimate part of me. If i choose to share it with someone, I shouldn't have to take on their judgments and criticisms. I shouldn't have to endure their gross characterizations and notions of "slutiness" because I put a tattoo near my butt (yes, my butt people, everyone has one).
Now I'm back at it. It's decision time. Two years later I'm facing different issues. This time it's not a "Who Am I" question, but "What am i?". As an aspiring American Sign Language interpreter there are only so many places I can put a tattoo. It can't be visible on my arms or hands. Right now I'm not that into leg tattoos (though that could change). Eliminating all these other options, I'm left with the torso.
To be honest, I'm stuck between dread and euphoria. I'm almost 30 and trying to come to terms with my "not 20 anymore" body. Generally I'm pretty happy with it. On a whole. But when I spend more than a minute looking at any specific area, I furrow my brow and want to head to the gym, stop getting sugar in my coffee or regret the feta in my salad that afternoon. I know how toxic this is. I know I'm holding myself to an unrealistic standard. I know, I know, you don't need to tell me.
But damn, it's hard. I told a friend about the location I had chosen for the new piece (still wavering between the ribs and the stomach/hip region). Her response : raised eyebrows, and a quick glance at my midsection, "Are you sure?"
I'm having a hard enough time loving this beautiful machine that works so well, in spite of the terrible ways I treat it. I'm having a hard enough time not criticizing myself, though EVERYTHING tells me I should. I'm having a hard enough time resisting the urge to do 300 sit-ups right now, because in 2 weeks someone is going to have his hands and face 6 inches from my belly, permanently inking my skin.
Yet, i'm euphoric. I'm thrilled to find something that I'm ready to commit to. I'm thrilled to have found an artist that loves to shape a piece around the curves of a woman's body. These curves might not be the same tomorrow or after a 1000 tomorrows. But they're my curves.
This tattoo is mine, and I'll put it any damned place I want. And if you don't like it, because your beauty standards say that I'm a little too soft or a little too round, well isn't it good that you're not me. Cause then you'd hate yourself. And I don't.
**Follow Up**
Just wanted to say thanks to fillyjonk for linking to this post! Please feel free to comment away...I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this.
5 comments:
Amen, sista-friend! This reminds me so much of my own tattoo-decision-making experience. I'd wanted to ink myself for a long time, and kept putting it off and putting it off thinking -- "ok -- when I lose these last 10 pounds or when I hit a certain number, that'll be the perfect time to do it." and then one day i just sort of realized -- this is *my* body, dude . . . it's a beautiful, magical, functional (well, most of the time!) machine. and it doesn't need to be some sort of BS ideal "size" in order to be worthy of celebration. so i got my rose to honor myself exactly as i am -- even though (as you well know!) i continue to stuggle with that on a day to day basis. i chose to get my tattoo on the back of my left hip -- my curveaous lady hip, that is real woman sexy and deserved to get some flowers :)
in short -- you put that ink anywhere u goddamn please, girlfriend! i can't wait to see it!
I recently had a friend who got a tattoo on her lower belly because "it will guarantee I stay at a healthy weight" (good luck with that, hon). I was pretty horrified. Aren't tattoos adornments, not warnings?
My next one (Friday!) is going to be on my ankle, and I wavered on it recently because I really don't like my ankles, which are thick in all ways (bone, and fat, and muscle, and usually water retention). You know how some fat girls have really delicate ankles? Yeah, not me. Anyway, as soon as I caught myself thinking that, I was like "okay, now I HAVE to get it on my ankle." So I don't shy away from decorating even the parts of me that least fit beauty standards.
Although I still haven't been awesome enough to get one on my belly. Now I feel like I should.
And so should you. Keep your judging eyes off your body! Especially if this is the teaspoon we're talking about, what more radical act of feminism is there than claiming and celebrating your body without judgment or punishment?
In case anyone hasn't seen it yet, fillyjonk wrote a great piece today about
tattoos
A fantastic quote:
I had to mark the parts of me I didn’t like, in order to bring them in as part of the whole.
Much like rattynposh, I wanted a tattoo for a long time and kept telling myself I would get it when I got to my "goal weight". Well that never happened, so when I was 38 I got my first tattoo, on my ankle, yes, I have OK ankles... The next piece was on the other ankle, a memorial for my dad who passed way too young and suddenly. Now I am waiting for my 3rd which will be on my upper back, there is a lot of canvas back there, if you know what I mean, but I thought, this is who I am now and I want this tattoo now. So I am going to "just do it". Love this topic!
I went through a similar but different thought pattern when I got my tattoo. I'm almost a lawyer, so I wanted one that wouldn't be visible unless I chose to share it. I like my body just fine, but I recognize that if I have kids, parts of it will change. And I wanted to be able to see my tattoo, easily. I admire those of you who get "tramp stamps" - I think it's a lovely place to get inked, but you need a mirror to see it!
Anyway, I settled on pretty much the same place you're getting yours, Shaminey. I have a sumi-e rearing horse on my left hip. I love it; it's beautiful and it's very meaningful to me.
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